Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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