Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize