are you still at the devil's house?
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
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In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
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You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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