All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
