Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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