i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
