you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
we're so committed to being not committed
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
