If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Randomize
