i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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