were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
