now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
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