Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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