I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
