Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
