tonight lets celebrate not being married
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
