That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
