Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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