I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
