i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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