I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
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Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
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Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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