Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
