unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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