i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Randomize
