Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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