guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize