just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
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Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I'm like, not good at living.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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