I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Randomize
