I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
