She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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