Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
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