Im at strip club and am horny
This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
