Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
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just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
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Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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