My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
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Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
The air was thick with penises
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
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