I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
