She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
