He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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