Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
