Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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