am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
