my room smells like sperm. sweet.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
