You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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