I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
