He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
