his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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