Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
