i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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