the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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