Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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