you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
