you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
This show inspires me to have sex in space
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
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