someone threw a dead crab at me
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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