Im at strip club and am horny
Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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