listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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