just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
You are a genius and a whore.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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