i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
