Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
